Musicals: Quick Versions

  • Les Miserables: Ex-criminal can't catch a fucking break. Crazy cop can't handle multi-dimensional personalities. Boring love interest remains everyone's least favorite character. Everyone you love dies.
  • The Phantom of the Opera: Overly dramatic opera singer is caught between a dick boyfriend and a serious case of Stockholm syndrome.
  • Wicked: Misunderstood loner chick tries to help people and everyone fucks her over anyway.
  • West Side Story: Romeo and Juliet with really tame gangs and sassy Puerto Ricans.
  • Grease: If your asshole love interest doesn't like your personality, change everything about yourself.
  • Rent: AIDS sucks.
  • Cats: Freaky looking cats. That's it. There's literally no plot.

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